passionate listening

Photo by Scott Corron

I had the great pleasure of introducing Harriet Lerner at her book signing at Brazos Bookstore in Houston. It's not an overstatement to say that Harriet's books have changed my life. From The Dance of Anger and The Mother Dance, to The Dance of Connection, I've been dancing with Harriet for 20+ years. 

She was in Houston to talk about her new book, Marriage Rules. As always, she was wise, funny, and warm. 

The one teaching about love and partnerships that just knocked me upside the head was this: 

"If we would only listen with the same passion that we feel about wanting to be heard."  

I've been trying to practice passionate listening for the past couple of weeks and it's been a challenge. When I really listen rather than thinking and formulating my response as people are talking, the entire conversation takes on a new cadence. It's slower and there's more white space between exchanges. It's a little weird at first, but it's also very powerful.  

Thank you, Harriet!